Poor POOR ME!!
So I've determined I'm not your typical blogger. I have so much life going on I don't have time to sit and post something everyday. Luckily the blog readers out there aren't knockin down my door to get me to post something. I have figured out that I need a place to vent all these thoughts going on in my head. So here goes.
This post is going to be for Christian's only. I'm not trying to be judgmental or snobbish but I know that if you aren't a Christian (meaning you believe only in Jesus Christ for your salvation) then this post will probably only make you angry and that is NOT the purpose. I just have some deep thoughts floating around concerning Christians.
I have come to understand that my life as a Christian seems to change more every year. I'm hoping it's for the good, but I'm not always sure I'm heading in the right direction. These last few years have really brought to light my enormous need for forgiveness from God and from others. I mess up A LOT! I didn't use to think this way. I use to believe that my life was pretty good and that I was better than 95% of the people out there. Just to name a few, I didn't cuss, do drugs, have sex outside of marriage, I was generally nice to people and I was very giving to those in need. I NEVER stole anything and I went to church each week and said amen to the sermons being taught. I worshiped God and loved him dearly BUT I was still very focused on my comfort, needs, wants and desires. It's only human nature to want your basic needs met. That's what I would tell myself to feel okay about my selfishness. But in reality I wanted much much more than my basic needs. I wanted a bigger house. I wanted the nicest cars and the nicest clothes. I wanted to buy my children matching outfits at the high end stores. Those demands didn't seem to great, but each time I aspired for those things it always left me wanting more. If I got a nice new outfit it wasn't enough. I was always wanting to live beyond what I could afford never realizing the deep hole I was digging myself in financially.
Shockingly, this was not my only problem. I had personal situations in my life with "Christians" that hurt me and mistreated me and down right rejected me. Supposedly that's not what "Christians" are suppose to be like. I won't go into the gory details but I can honestly say I did nothing to deserve the mistreatment.
All this time I think I was a Christian myself and had been trying to live my life to the best of my understanding. I listened to preaching each week and heard from the pulpit, "God wants to bless you, God loves you and wants good things for your life." I bought into that and started to pile on the questions; God what have I done to deserve this? God why would they do this to me? God why didn't you protect me? God why don't you deliver me from my debt? In the midst of all this trouble I couldn't understand why God would let all these terrible things happen to me. Why would he make my life so hard? I would cry, feel depressed and I would feel like giving up sometimes. I developed the POOR POOR ME attitude.
Now, here I am a few years later and I feel like I'm looking through a new pair of glasses. I'm still in quite a pickle with my finances. Still paying off the debt that I accumulated for all those years, but I find myself more content with much less. I'm happy with my house, and I'm happy to have the things I have and I try to be disciplined on a limited budget. I still have hurts from the past but have forgiven those who wronged me. I understand that compared to some people my life has been a piece of cake, but I HAVE faced difficult trials and hard times.
The whole point of all this rambling is to share what God has showed me. I DESERVED every bit of what I got in life, every hard time, every hurt, every rejection! I DESERVED MUCH WORSE! God is Holy and I am a sinner. I'm a totally self-centered person. Everyday of my life I lived in rebellion to God until I was saved. God is so Holy that he must punish those who sin against Him. So all those feelings of entitlement were completely unfounded. I had no right to demand anything from God. I had no right to expect things from HIM. He is God and he can do as he pleases. If he desires to take everything I have from me, my home, my children, my husband, my possessions, He would have every right to. Thankfully God made a way of redemption for us all. Jesus came to this earth and bore the WRATH OF GOD IN MY PLACE. I deserved to be crushed and beaten and punished for all eternity, but God poured out his wrath on Jesus instead of me. When you begin to understand how amazing that is you will feel so grateful. You don't have to do ONE thing to be saved from the punishment for your sins. Every day I wake up amazed at how wonderful God is and how undeserving I am. I'm not saying that I have arrived. I know that I still need a lot of work, but God is faithful to finish what he started in me. My hope is that this post will encourage you to draw closer to Him and to what really matters in this life. I hope and pray my life will bring honor and glory to the one who truly deserves my everything! Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
Phil 16 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
This post is going to be for Christian's only. I'm not trying to be judgmental or snobbish but I know that if you aren't a Christian (meaning you believe only in Jesus Christ for your salvation) then this post will probably only make you angry and that is NOT the purpose. I just have some deep thoughts floating around concerning Christians.
I have come to understand that my life as a Christian seems to change more every year. I'm hoping it's for the good, but I'm not always sure I'm heading in the right direction. These last few years have really brought to light my enormous need for forgiveness from God and from others. I mess up A LOT! I didn't use to think this way. I use to believe that my life was pretty good and that I was better than 95% of the people out there. Just to name a few, I didn't cuss, do drugs, have sex outside of marriage, I was generally nice to people and I was very giving to those in need. I NEVER stole anything and I went to church each week and said amen to the sermons being taught. I worshiped God and loved him dearly BUT I was still very focused on my comfort, needs, wants and desires. It's only human nature to want your basic needs met. That's what I would tell myself to feel okay about my selfishness. But in reality I wanted much much more than my basic needs. I wanted a bigger house. I wanted the nicest cars and the nicest clothes. I wanted to buy my children matching outfits at the high end stores. Those demands didn't seem to great, but each time I aspired for those things it always left me wanting more. If I got a nice new outfit it wasn't enough. I was always wanting to live beyond what I could afford never realizing the deep hole I was digging myself in financially.
Shockingly, this was not my only problem. I had personal situations in my life with "Christians" that hurt me and mistreated me and down right rejected me. Supposedly that's not what "Christians" are suppose to be like. I won't go into the gory details but I can honestly say I did nothing to deserve the mistreatment.
All this time I think I was a Christian myself and had been trying to live my life to the best of my understanding. I listened to preaching each week and heard from the pulpit, "God wants to bless you, God loves you and wants good things for your life." I bought into that and started to pile on the questions; God what have I done to deserve this? God why would they do this to me? God why didn't you protect me? God why don't you deliver me from my debt? In the midst of all this trouble I couldn't understand why God would let all these terrible things happen to me. Why would he make my life so hard? I would cry, feel depressed and I would feel like giving up sometimes. I developed the POOR POOR ME attitude.
Now, here I am a few years later and I feel like I'm looking through a new pair of glasses. I'm still in quite a pickle with my finances. Still paying off the debt that I accumulated for all those years, but I find myself more content with much less. I'm happy with my house, and I'm happy to have the things I have and I try to be disciplined on a limited budget. I still have hurts from the past but have forgiven those who wronged me. I understand that compared to some people my life has been a piece of cake, but I HAVE faced difficult trials and hard times.
The whole point of all this rambling is to share what God has showed me. I DESERVED every bit of what I got in life, every hard time, every hurt, every rejection! I DESERVED MUCH WORSE! God is Holy and I am a sinner. I'm a totally self-centered person. Everyday of my life I lived in rebellion to God until I was saved. God is so Holy that he must punish those who sin against Him. So all those feelings of entitlement were completely unfounded. I had no right to demand anything from God. I had no right to expect things from HIM. He is God and he can do as he pleases. If he desires to take everything I have from me, my home, my children, my husband, my possessions, He would have every right to. Thankfully God made a way of redemption for us all. Jesus came to this earth and bore the WRATH OF GOD IN MY PLACE. I deserved to be crushed and beaten and punished for all eternity, but God poured out his wrath on Jesus instead of me. When you begin to understand how amazing that is you will feel so grateful. You don't have to do ONE thing to be saved from the punishment for your sins. Every day I wake up amazed at how wonderful God is and how undeserving I am. I'm not saying that I have arrived. I know that I still need a lot of work, but God is faithful to finish what he started in me. My hope is that this post will encourage you to draw closer to Him and to what really matters in this life. I hope and pray my life will bring honor and glory to the one who truly deserves my everything! Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
Phil 16 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
This post prompted some thoughts on the current state of preaching in churches. We hear shallow preaching all the time, everywhere. "God loves you and has a great plan for your life, etc." You propose that it was partly due to this shallow teaching that caused you to not be able to be content and it led you to a feeling of entitlement. I wonder how many Christians today are in the same boat you once were in? They hear the shallow preaching and they become discontent and are not able to suffer well for the Lord's glory when trials hit them. Interesting how these preachers think they are doing their hearers favors by teaching these things and yet you are clearly a testimony to the opposite. Praise God for the Holy Spirit enlightening our minds to see that we don't deserve anything but wrath and eternal punishment! God's grace is able to shine as it was meant to shine when we think rightly about our condition! Thank you for posting this Gena.
ReplyDeleteYes I would agree that the preaching contributed to my beliefs, but I was also not committed to studying the Word like I should. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have sat under that preaching for so long. If we study and have a good understanding of what the Word of God says about us and about Him then we begin to grasp how truly blessed we are. We begin to live our lives to glorify God rather than satisfy ourselves. Thanks so much for the comment:)
ReplyDeleteVery touched by this. Simply stated and outlined. Beautiful grace of God. Brings a tear to my eye as i sit here. It's wonderful to see God moving in you this way. I pray he gives me this grace too.
ReplyDelete